We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves – Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84
Statements like this are what I struggled with in early recovery, and before that, while actively practicing my addictions. I have taken a very long time to unpack and let go of my early training in religion. I am impressed and perhaps a bit jealous of the ease that many folks in recovery speak of their concept of a God that is void of a judgmental male with a white beard, etc. etc. In the sense that there is some dude or dudette pulling the strings on life and creation, I have long considered myself an atheist, and still do.
But I also believe the very essence of recovery for me is to get out of myself, my own ego’s direction, and live into the Good Orderly Direction that is harmony with a higher power. In that way, I can tap into the God within, the “this little light of mine” concept.
I accept, embrace, and appreciate this Promise of recovery like never before. I am truly blessed that recovery has given me the opportunity to get out of myself and live as part of a luminous web of the universe. Today, recovery allows me to live in community with that universe as opposed to being an irritant or an obstacle in that universe. How that translates into a God or higher power, is a discussion I have pretty much stopped trying to figure out. I do fully understand that self-sufficiency in this area has never worked for me. Truly this promise of Recovery is manifest fully in my life today.